feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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