Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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