i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
