Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
