Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
