ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
