508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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