Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks