ADVERTISEMENT

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4

  Fav 8 1543 907

  share tweet
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?

  Fav 13 2667 1110

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.

  Fav 30 986 1954

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits

  Fav 54 1601 7468

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

  Fav 22 4608 1039

  share tweet
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

  Fav 19 4828 933

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce

  Fav 2 1217 813

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.

  Fav 2 1067 599

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.

  Fav 5 1575 752

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.

  Fav 1 1076 546

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay

  Fav 5 667 1050

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?

  Fav 0 865 528

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES

  Fav 3 761 403

  share tweet
  

• (646): View more from New York

  there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.

  Fav 0 296 140

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (563): View more from Iowa

  I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos

  Fav 0 37 16

  share tweet
  

Randomize