imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.