two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe