True but thats because hes a fetus.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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