So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
