what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
