Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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