im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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