Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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