Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
