bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
