you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
