We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
