what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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