Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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