Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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