If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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