Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
