I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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