Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
