If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
