i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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