Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
