Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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