Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
