the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
