You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
