he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
