It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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