I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
