Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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