Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
