ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
