I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
