...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
