Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
