garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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