HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
