U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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