...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
