i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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