i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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