so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
