I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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