? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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