he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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