so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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