Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
