after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
