I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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