The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
