Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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