Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
