I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
