I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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