I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
