i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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