Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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