oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
