His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
