well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
