Duck Duck Cougar?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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