One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
