So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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