oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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