btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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