So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
