thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
