Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
