Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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