seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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