The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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