if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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