ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
